they're just feelings, she says

I've been going to therapy for almost two years. Eastern's counseling program "strongly suggests" that students do this. I naturally hemmed and hawed for a few months. My argument...it's freaking expensive. And I, a student, have very little money. But I decided it was worth a shot. So two years in, approximately thousands of dollars spent, and exactly 47 gallons of tears shed, I can say that it has been well worth it. Every bit of it. I probably would have said this at just 3 sessions in, but I want to publicly declare it.

I would also like to point out that after spilling my feelings to her week after week, my therapist sprung this on me, "They're just feelings." I just sat there, mouth agape. I'm a fairly emotional person (which MIGHT be an understatement) and have spent many hours in therapy sorting out my feelings. FURTHERMORE, my professors have beat into us the importance of "getting at the emotion" during sessions with clients. So this statement kind of threw me. If it's true, why the hell am I putting so much time and energy into feelings... both personally and professionally?

I often find myself overwhelmed with emotion, both good and bad. So, naturally, I dismiss them... (or, as my brother likes to say, "push them down...deeeeeep down."). The problem is, my feelings then drive me. Mostly out of my mind (buh-dum-ching!). Ignoring our feelings might be great at first. We feel strong and in control when we can convince ourselves that we don't care. And at times, we need to, just to stay sane. But there's something freeing about sitting with our feelings. Allowing ourselves to hold our feelings, in therapy or with good friends, liberates us from them. As we examine them, we can put them in perspective. Because although feelings are real, they're not reality. They're not the only things that exist and they shouldn't be the only things that motivate us. I do fear that if we put so much stock in feelings, we'll find ourselves riding their waves...thinking and behaving in ways that do not take other factors (especially other people) into account.

I definitely still have a hard time accepting that my feelings aren't paramount. They kind of led me to this profession and keep me engaged with my clients. I feel connected when that bit of heartache creeps up as I listen to them talk. I don't think I'd be me without it. But while I can appreciate and listen to my feelings, I don't have to let them take over.

So...I hereby release you to go forth and grab ahold of your feelings! Then tell me how you did it, because I'm still unsure...